Teen male therapy client in a pink shirt, not satisfied

As you embark on your journey of therapy, BE PICKY! it’s crucial to find a therapist who understands not only what you’re seeking but also what you want to avoid. The therapeutic relationship is a vital component of your healing process, so make sure your experience is as supportive and effective as possible. Here are some common complaints about therapy that has NOT been supportive or effective.

Feeling Judged or Misunderstood by the Therapist

One of the most common complaints about therapy is feeling judged or misunderstood by the therapist. Clients often seek therapy as a safe space to share their thoughts and emotions, but even subtle signs of judgment or lack of understanding can make them feel unsafe.

It’s completely natural to worry about being judged when sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings. Many clients express a fear that their therapist may not understand or may look down upon their experiences. It’s important for you to feel safe and accepted in this space.

Examples of judgment:

The therapist expressing surprise or disapproval about a client’s decisions.
Unintentionally invalidating remarks like, “Why didn’t you just do X?” or “That doesn’t seem like a big deal.”

Impact: Clients may shut down, feel ashamed, or even stop attending therapy altogether.

Therapist being shushed for talking too much in therapy

Therapists Talking Too Much

Clients often complain about therapists who dominate sessions with their own talking, advice, or personal anecdotes. While some guidance is helpful, therapy should primarily focus on the client’s thoughts and feelings. It should be YOUR space—and at your pace—a place for you to express yourself without feeling overshadowed. Some clients have experienced therapists who talk too much or offer unsolicited advice, leaving them feeling unheard (or judged).

Examples of excessive talking:
- Therapists offering unsolicited advice without fully understanding the client’s situation.
- Therapists sharing too much about their own lives, making the session feel like a one-sided conversation.
Impact: Clients may feel unheard or like their time in therapy is being wasted.

A Lack of Empathy or Emotional Attunement

Therapists who fail to show empathy or emotional attunement can leave clients feeling disconnected or unsupported. A therapist who practices somatic awareness is mindful of both your verbal and non-verbal cues.

Examples of lacking empathy:
- Rushing to problem-solve without acknowledging the client’s emotions first.
- Appearing dismissive or indifferent when a client shares something vulnerable.
- Not adjusting their tone or approach to meet the client’s emotional state.
Impact: Clients may feel like their therapist doesn’t truly “get” them, which can hinder trust and progress.
Empathy is essential in therapy. Clients often feel disconnected or misunderstood when their therapist fails to acknowledge their feelings.

Clock representing a distracted therapist

Feeling Like the Therapist Is Distracted or Disengaged

Many clients express frustration when their therapist seems distracted or not fully present during sessions.

Examples of distraction:

Glancing at the clock too often or appearing rushed.
Checking a phone or tablet during the session.
Giving generic or surface-level responses that suggest they’re not fully listening.

Impact: Clients may feel unimportant or like their therapist isn’t invested in their well-being.

Diverse Group at LGBTQ event representing cultural competence in therapy

Lack of Cultural Competence and Sensitivity

Therapists who fail to understand or respect a client’s cultural background can unintentionally cause harm or alienation.

Examples of cultural insensitivity:

Making assumptions about a client’s identity, values, or experiences.
Dismissing cultural, racial, or religious factors that are central to the client’s concerns.
Using language or examples that don’t resonate with the client’s lived experience.

Impact: Clients may feel misunderstood, invalidated, or even harmed by microaggressions.

Female therapist looking over her glasses representing a passive therapist

Feeling Like the Therapist Is Too Passive

While therapy should be a space for clients to lead the conversation, clients often complain about therapists who are too passive or disengaged, failing to provide meaningful guidance or structure.

Examples of passivity:

Only asking, “How does that make you feel?” without offering deeper insights or interventions.
Failing to challenge unhelpful patterns or provide tools for growth.
Avoiding difficult topics or allowing the session to feel aimless.

Impact: Clients may feel stuck or like their therapy isn’t moving forward.

Unrealistic Promises or Expectations

Therapists who overpromise or set unrealistic expectations can leave clients feeling disillusioned.

Examples of unrealistic promises:

Assuring clients they’ll see quick results when therapy often takes time.
Claiming to “fix” problems instead of empowering clients to navigate challenges themselves.
Not being transparent about the effort required from both the client and therapist.

Impact: Clients may feel frustrated or lose trust in the process when their expectations aren’t met.

Straight line in the middle of road representing lack of flexibility in therapy

Lack of Flexibility in Approach

Clients often complain about therapists who rely on a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach that doesn’t meet their unique needs.

Examples of rigidity:

Sticking strictly to one therapeutic modality, even if it isn’t working for the client.
Ignoring the client’s feedback or preferences about the direction of therapy.
Failing to adapt to the client’s personality, goals, or communication style.

Impact: Clients may feel like the therapy isn’t tailored to them, reducing its effectiveness.

Calendar representing therapist with limited availability

Limited Availability or Poor Communication

Scheduling and communication issues can create unnecessary frustration for clients.

Examples of poor communication:

Therapists taking a long time to respond to scheduling requests or questions.
Frequent cancellations or rescheduling of sessions.
Not providing clear information about fees, policies, or what to expect in therapy.

Impact: Clients may feel undervalued or struggle to maintain consistency in their therapeutic work.

Financial Concerns

Therapy can be expensive, and clients often feel frustrated when they don’t see progress despite spending significant time and money.

Examples of financial concerns:

Feeling like they’re not getting enough value for the cost of therapy.
Being charged for cancellations or late arrivals without clear communication about the policy.

Impact: Clients may feel resentful or discouraged, potentially leading them to discontinue therapy.

Protecting Yourself as a Client in Therapy

Navigating the therapeutic landscape can be challenging, especially when faced with common complaints about therapy. However, there are proactive steps you can take to protect yourself and ensure a positive experience. Here are some recommendations:

Research Potential Therapists: Before committing, take time to read reviews, ask for recommendations, and check credentials. Look for therapists who specialize in your specific needs and demonstrate cultural competence. Take advantage of the free consultation phone call many therapists offer to ask questions and get a sense of whether you feel comfortable with them. Trust your gut feeling on this.

Set Clear Goals: At the outset, articulate your goals for therapy. This clarity can help guide the sessions and ensure that your therapist stays focused on your needs.

Communicate Openly: Don’t hesitate to express any discomfort or concerns during sessions. Providing feedback can help guide the therapeutic relationship and improve the experience for both you and your therapist. Even if you have trouble asserting yourself with others in your life, therapy is the best place to develop and practice this skill. Your therapist should encourage it.

Trust Your Instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to seek another therapist. Your comfort and trust are paramount in the therapeutic process. Remember, it’s your journey, and you have the right to advocate for yourself.

Establish Boundaries: Be clear about your expectations regarding communication, session structure, and personal topics. When you set clear limits about what you do and don’t want, you create a safe space for open dialogue.

By taking these steps, you can protect yourself and foster a more fulfilling and effective therapeutic experience that aligns with your needs. After all, your therapist is working for you!

Julie Weigel, LMFT

As you consider beginning or continuing your therapy journey, you will be looking for a therapist who is the right fit. Know that I am committed to supporting my clients without judgment, distraction, and rigidity. My goal is to create a therapeutic relationship that fosters trust, empathy, and personal growth.If you’re feeling overwhelmed or facing challenges in your life, I encourage you to reach out. I’m here to help you navigate these difficulties with compassion and care, ensuring that your experience in therapy is empowering and transformative. Let’s work together to create a brighter future for you! Feel free to take advantage of a free 30 minute consultation call, to ask any questions you might have or discuss any specific concerns you have.

What You DON’T Want in a Therapist